I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
