Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
