Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Randomize
