just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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