i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
