Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I need help removing her.
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
