I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
