think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Randomize
