so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
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