How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
