i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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