omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize