I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
