She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
