I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Sext me about skeletons
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
