is your mom at the bar?
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize