if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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