I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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