Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
