i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
