david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
