Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
