it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
