I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
