"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
