Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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