Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
