I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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