I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Randomize
