Are we in a gay sports bar?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
