Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
