can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
