im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
