i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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