So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
