he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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