I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Boobs are out for the taking
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
