i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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