i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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