Apparently you make a good broom.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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