there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
