Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
