Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
