that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
