PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
