Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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