who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I enjoy the company of your penis
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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