cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
