Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
