She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
