we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize