shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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