Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
