i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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