the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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