Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
