I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
