Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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