Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
