i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
