her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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