I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
