Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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